Author: peterbreezeofficial

The Night

the night held promise.
it called out to me.
in the dark clubs, with the loud music, the scary ladies
and the bathroom stalls where I snapped my dreams in two.

i experienced magic once or twice
and it kept me coming back.
deep down I knew magic wasn’t real.
but I was a desperate believer, easy to fool.

i craved what could kill me
because it tasted so sweet
getting dressed up just to come undone.

i wanted to be more than I am
i am always seeking
looking for you, looking for me
looking for a place where I can be free,
every time I think I’ve found it I close my eyes and I spin
i get dizzy, stumble in a new direction

north to ground me
south to light me up
east to breath
west to believe

when things fall apart, I celebrate.
i’ve got the power to rebuild.
god knows I love a new beginning.

The sun fills the sky, bright and burning
I squint my eyes and it sinks
Twilight comes, the stars appear
And it reminds me of dawn

I get that feeling and it grows.

The night holds promise,
It calls out to me

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Muscle Memory

it’s taken me a while
to shake off my old life
thanks for being patient

when I look back now
i don’t recognize myself
i like what I see

so God damn brave
the world was mine
and I took it

a sudden shift of energy
release of muscle memory

now I’m on the other side

Invisible

been running for so long
away from myself
towards somebody I’m proud of

they think I’m fearless
because I dance as I destroy the world
it’s a distraction

no one knows I’m scared
not even me
I’m so detached
I think I’m free

pressure creates diamonds
chaos creates stars
enveloped in both
I’m still invisible

ROTTWEILER

He was skinny, but not too skinny,
He wore ripped jeans, I loved that
His hair looked like he had been electrocuted
Just like mine, except his was dark

He was tall, he wanted to be a model
That’s why he moved to the city
To be famous, just like the rest of us
I started calling him Naomi

Just like a Rottweiler,
He attracted a certain kind of danger
Dressed in fur, even in the summer
Smoking all of my cigarettes
I didn’t mind, he made me feel cool

I was in awe of his obsessions
His passion was dark and misguided
When he got jealous, he got violent
And it made everyone a little nervous
Because we all knew when it came down to it
And there’s nothing he wouldn’t do
For love

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Small Town Coffee Shops

Small town coffee shops calling my name on a lazy Saturday night. I’ve been here before. I know this town. Not the people or the name of the streets but the way you feel when you get out of the car and make contact with the air. It’s always fall, its always an early morning. Its always a day free of commitments. Its the perfect person and music that makes you close your eyes. You have to close your eyes because if you’re sure that when you open them you’ll be taken back. Or taken forward. Either to place it all began or the place it will all come together. Music has that power and this coffee shops takes advantage of that. I’m not sure if its the caffeine or the endless  90’s playlist. I remember driving around Calgary with 10 people in my 4 seater car on my 18th birthday. Only some of us were allowed into the bar so we spent a good part of the evening driving around listening to “I’ll be” by Edwin Mcain singing at the top of our lungs. We could circle the same 4 block radius and still feel like we were making our great escapes. Sneaking away on the radio and into the discos for the first time.

This town doesn’t have discos but I’m sure if I threw a party people would come.

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Vampires In Vegas

eurovegasWhen do the lights go out in Vegas? And when they do, where do they go? Who turns them out?

I imagine a giant warehouse with endless tubes of dead fluorescent.  In the city of sin where no one wants to stop, no one wants to go home there is a man who’s only job is to stop the party.  They don’t want to leave the penny slots, the free drinks, the all too accessible sex and any kind of drug you can imagine. The worlds largest candy store for the worlds fattest child. There are vampires running up and down the strip lost and confused by the sudden darkness, by the sudden silence. A place where Vampires crave the light. And the worlds biggest diva’s sink in their deep stages. Drowning because they cant breath without their spot light. And the richest poker players cant see their hands and their terrified to fold and so they freeze and the winning stops and they too start to drown. The hooker who used to twinkle like a string of christmas lights is now seen as she is, just a woman trying to get by. Trying to make it home in one piece even though there are pieces of her scattered across the desert. The resorts, the hotels, the clubs and the restaurants are just buildings. And since this is not the apocalypse and we are not seeking refuge the masses will continue to play with the zombies and the zombies will keep leading the way. Away from a dark desert and towards the next holy light.

I Am Not Human

How do you describe yourself?

Blonde hair, ripped skinny jeans, artist, entrepreneur, dreamer, brother, son, lover, friend. Rich, famous, loved, successful, grounded, balanced, happy. Gay, 30, ambitious, magical. Funny, moody, insightful.

Sounds like me.

The majority of the time I feel happy, confident, sure of my direction. I know that I am creating a magnificent life for myself. And then every once in a while I find myself  feeling stagnant. I start to question who I am, why I’m here, where I’m going. Even with a million projects on the go and even more ideas alive inside my head I cant help but feel like….its just not enough. The more I seek the more I spiral.

What am I waiting for exactly? A big cheque? A project that lasts longer than a season? A new obsession to pour my self into? All of these things will come and go forever and I know that. So what is it that I long for?

Nothing.

I long to exist and be completely enthralled in nothing. To be nobody.

I am not gay. I am not human.  I am not an artist or a dreamer. I am not a word.

I am a feeling, a potential. I am a vessel, a receptor, a antena open to receive information from the divine.

In my purest form I am energy. I am the thick anticipation that fills a stadium before the rock star takes the stage. I am excitement. I am the moment right before something big happens and everything suddenly makes sense. I am not the arrival of dreams come true, I am the belief that anything is possible. You cant see me, You cant touch me, You cant hold me or break me down. But I am here and always will be. Forever creating the perfect moment. A flicker of golden light. A brief expression of the universe.

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